It's the Damn Door!!

A friend of mine shared this with me - and I had to keep it for posterity.  Gee - after all it makes perfect sense!

Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was? Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses. Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an event boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next. Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale. It’s not aging, think about it... it's the damn door!

Retirement Options - riding the see-saw

Oh my.
How the thought of leaving my lovely home here in San Diego makes me sad.   I love the weather, the beaches, the mountains, the sights, the smells the sounds.    And most of all the wonderful friends and family I have here.

However,
Retirement means a fixed income.  And oh how California loves to tax it's residents!   Rent and purchased housing has reached the point of obscenity in price - even after the huge recession and drop in prices.   They'll never reach normal again, no matter how much they've come down.

I'm paying $1770 a month for a 2-bedroom apartment.  Granted - it is close to the beach and I am paying for that benefit....but no matter where I live it'll be high - if I move further inland I'd pay the same price but have more space for my money.  I decided I'd rather have the beach.

In 5 years I will be 66 years old.  Full retirement age for Social Security.  I will have worked 50 years of my life - and YES I do feel 'entitled' to a substantial SS benefit!  I paid into it for that long - and it was developed originally as a retirement benefit - not a death benefit, childrens benefit, fund to steal from or anything else.   (oops - stepping down off the box)...

I will have 10 years with my present job which should pay a decent amount (govt.) and have an IRA that my financial has well-invested for me.

Here's my present mindset:
I have looked at options beyond San Diego....
Considered Florida - spend 29 years there.
But only have a few friends and absolutely no family there.  The weather is okay but the bugs and humidity just don't do it for me.
Missouri - NO
Kansas - I have quite a few family members there.   It is close enough to Mo. that I could visit long lost friends, and not too far from Co. either (more family)

I hate winters, would miss the beach and mountains but would love springs and falls.   If I had a house with a basement that I could turn into 100% craft area - I could learn to like it there - as my playroom would be quite the escape.

AND - If I bought the house outright - I would have no house payments and all my income minus daily expenses (food, utilities, gas etc.) could be put away to go play during the winter (cruises, trips to warm places, etc.)

I'm sorta getting to like these ideas - and have found some interesting houses at ridiculously low prices (market is dead there right now) - I have my eye on 3 in particular.  Who knows.... I'm so up and down about it from day to day.   Stay tuned.  I'm still riding the see saw........

Something fishy in Paradise this Christmas!

What a wonderful thing.   Christmas was not the typical, commercial, - buy buy buy holiday with people going broke to get everybody something they'll never use - just to have a pile under the tree routine.
I lied a little - said 'no presents - just people' - but still got a couple things the kids needed.   (like electric blankets for winter as they live either near or on the water).  

However - there was one special purchase for the holiday.....the FOOD!!

Yessirree - tons of yumminess!!  Justin (in pic) made Jambalaya (in plates in pic) - there was also clam chowder (see bowls).   Prior to the meal - crab salad and ceviche' appetizers with crackers and chips (along with wine and cheeses).  Justin & Michelle (above) were quick to dig in!

Rob had to be silly when he found the hammers on the table for breaking open crab claws.  Jodi was a good sport and smiled sweetly.   The 'orange juices' on the table were Mimosas....  when the table was loaded with food - cameras popped all over the place - they'd never seen anything like it. 

I had some leftover black plastic on a roll from halloween that I covered the table with - then a roll of brown paper like you wrap packages with - right down the middle.  Then Shrimp, Crawfish, Snow crab legs, and stone crab claws were added.  It was a 'get it yourself' kind of feast.  The plates were plastic as were the bowls.

Over the years we have made it a tradition to invite those who would otherwise be alone on the holiday - this young couple Bree and Chris, would have been.   They were thrilled that that was changed for them.  So we cracked open the xmas crackers (you pull them - they pop and have jokes, prizes and crowns inside) - then put on our paper crowns - read our jokes enclosed in the crackers - and dug in!

Another guest was Mark (Standing in black with claws in hands) - whose wife Jo (my best friend) was in New Zealand to visit her mother over the holiday - so he would have been alone.  We posed for this pic and posted it on FB and tagged Jo.   I received a phone call from New Zealand just minutes later - she saw the feast and thought it was amazing.   We let her know that she was missed but she didn't have to worry because he was not home alone.
It was really nice to have the two boys and their girlfriends - along with added guests over to enjoy the fruit of my toils.   A good time was had by all - and I'm sure they'll talk to their friends about this one for a long time.  There was definitely something fishy here in paradise this Christmas!  It was a great thing!
Merry Christmas to all!  Ours was!!

'Tis the Season

Having a lovely weekend so far - went to a Christmas show at a friends church.  Lightning didn't hit the church because I was inside - so that's a good thing.  I can't even remember the last time I was in a church other than for a wedding or funeral.  I know - shame on me.  But I'm a good person and do what's right - so I'm not all bad.

Anyway the show:
The Orchestra was awesome, the singers spectacular and the show incredible.  It lasted about 2 hours and I enjoyed every bit of it.

The living Nativity was beautiful - I actually had tears in my eyes as they sang and the characters slowly came out.

 

The Adult (top) and Childrens (bottom) Choir were great.

 

'Tis the season - and I am 100% enjoying it this year.  2013 is going to be a great year - I can feel it in my (old) bones!!

I'm Dreaming of a Seafood Christmas

Holy cow!
Can Christmas be only 11 days from today? Really?  Why is it time dragged the whole month of December when I was a kid - and it seems to disintegrate right before my very eyes anymore!!

I only put up the 'little' tree this year.   Still in the process of getting organized unfortunately.  Sorta sucks being in an apartment with half the space I need.  I really need a house!

I'm gonna figure this out and next year have space for the big tree.   The little one is pretty enough granted.   But ohhhh how I love my big tree.

this is the little tree (above)
and below is the big tree (below) - you decide.....

The family has agreed upon 'no presents - it's all about being together' - but I broke the rule and bought some little something to put under the tree for each of them.   The poor little tree just looked so naked without something under it!  I guess they'll just have to forgive me!

I can't wait to share photos of the xmas feast with you!  (If I remember to take some)  It is going to be an extremely non-traditional meal.  No turkey, no ham.....Per request of the boys - we are having a seafood feast.  So far I have ordered direct from Maryland - -> shrimp for shrimp cocktails to start with for appetizers (Huge Gulf shrimp by the way) - Also Snow crab legs, Stone Crab claws (OMG I can't believe I found them available to buy - my kids have never had them.  I grew up in Florida and have experienced how incredible they are.   I have tried to describe how extraordinarily delicious they are - now they will finally see for themselves, Oh - and pre-breaded clam strips for frying are also ready for throwing in the pan.

Justin mentioned his Jambalaya - which may happen as well.   Hmmmm - maybe along with the shrimp cocktail appetizer, I'll make a crab salad and a chowder first course before digging into the main meal.   Not quite sure what else besides red potatoes and corn on the cob for the feed.

Guess I just need the red checked tablecloth, some traditional mallets to break claws with and bibs to make it complete.   I may have to look around to see what I can find. 

It should be quite yummy, fun and filling.  I can hardly wait.   This could be a new tradition (expensive but awesome just the same).

Stay tuned - to experience the feast of feasts (if you love seafood like we do).  Hope Justin can snag us come lobster to top it off - 'tis the season' after all - and our first day of the season - we did fabulously!!   If not - we'll have it another day - after all - still have a couple months before the season is over....

Lobster number 1 of the season - Justin is so proud

a close up  in the net (left) and (below) all the  buddies we caught in a couple hours.

This many would be great to complete the feast!!  The dinner will be attended by myself, Rob and his girlfriend Jodi, Justin and his girlfriend Michelle and possibly Jo's husband Mark - as she is in New Zealand and he is home alone.  Justin may be inviting a friend as well for a total of 7 potentially - so a catch this size would work really well!!  
Please santa claus - be nice and tell the lobster to jump into our traps!!  We'd like to invite them over for Christmas!!

Class Act

I love the feeling of accomplishment - when I take on a project that I have to start from scratch with no directions provided - other then 'do it' - and see it through from beginning to end.  And the end is a great success.

This is the case of my latest project.
I was asked at work to develop the curriculum for a "DRAT" team - then find team members, train them and thus have established teams for future deployment during a disaster.

What's a DRAT team you ask?  DRAT = "Disaster Rapid Assessment Team"   -  A group of people deployed out in the field to be the eyes and ears of the County - to give first-hand information regarding the needs of the community - triaging - the urgency so that the right things get to the right places in the right amount of time.

I was given this projectin April (with one other person assigned, who assisted in no way with the development or recruiting - only in the class) -  I was told it had to be 100% done before Dec. 1 in order to meet grant money deadlines.
 
THE TASK:
R&D: ... Research and development of curriculum and tools needed- based the training that would be necessary to safely deploy the team members into the field to do the task to the best of their ability.
RECRUITMENT:  ..... Recruit, interview and choose persons who would best fit the role of team members
PLANNING OF TRAINING: ...... Find the place, time and instructors to put together a class that would aid in readying team members for deployment.
TRAINING: ........ have a class
STRENGTHENING TEAMS: ........ Continue to keep members engaged, add additional members as needed and keep them all excited about being team members - with information, exercises, and classes.

Well - Friday (yesterday) was the debut class.   30 members were established after the recruitment and interviews and 24 were able to attend the class.  The class was also attended by Red Cross members and PHN leaders to understand what the County is doing.

The class was well-reviewed and much information was provided over a full-days training.  Everyone in the class was excited about all they had learned, all the tools and information they had received  and how well the class went.  
This is a great thing which aids in establishing further safety in the event of a disaster in my community.   Another addition to my legacy. 

The Class was truly a 'class act.'

The Turkey Died happy

Well Turkey day has come and gone -
We killed two birds with one family gathering - and a feast indeed, was had by all.

 

 

Unfortunately the photos that were 'planned' were never taken - but it's still evident the feast was there and the family was too.  Rob looks like the turkey knife got him - and Justin managed to avoid just about every photo (what few there were) as shown here - hiding behind his girlfriend as she fills her plate.

I did manage to get the back of Justin's head in this one - at the table.  I was actually better able to capture him 'digesting' after the fact.

A good day and a good meal was had by all.  

 





Jo even blessed us with a New Zealand traditional desert 'Pavlova' - a Meringue type yummy treat topped with whipped cream and sliced kiwis.  OMG - Decadent!

Clean up after everyone left was done in multiple phases - some done with Jodi and Rob - many dishes washed before they left - then clean up cooking utensils and cleared and scrubbed the table and moved everything to the kitchen.

The Turkey-induced coma hit Michelle hard and she napped for several hours.  But when she woke up she helped using the 'Tetris' method of getting every single leftover into the refrigerator.  It was magical!!

By the time I went to bed - every dish was washed, all the food was put away, and all my guests were gone.   Other than the packed fridge, one wouldn't know a gathering ever took place!

We did a number on that Turkey - but all the smiles on all the faces at that table - had to have made that turkey proud to be on that table.  We like to think it died happy!

Just another Manic Monday

Turkey day is around the bend and I barely have Halloween out of the house.  Thank heavens I don't deck it out with turkey stuff - like I do spooky for Halloween and glitzy for Christmas.   I've skipped a couple Christmases - times have been hard. 

It's been selfish of me - so gonna deck it out for Xmas this year - gonna do it right for the boys.  They deserve that 'go-to' place for the holidays that always was there for them.  They're good kids.

However, for now....it's all about thanksgiving. 
We've always invited those who are alone, away from any family - or just friends that need to eat!  When working in the hospital - I always invited travel nurses.  They were from elsewhere - they only knew the people they worked with and rarely had family nearby.  It felt good to do things like that.

The boys seem to always have a friend that needs a place to eat on Thanksgiving.   It seems to just make it more about what the holiday is about - sharing and fellowship around a table that is burdened with a feast.

Over the years I've traded off with my Best friend - I did Thanksgiving and she did Christmas.  This year she's leaving for xmas - so we are doing thanksgiving together -but still at my house.   I know of at least 6 who will be here.   And the menu will serve them all well.

So tomorrow (Monday) after work - I fight the crowds - find a turkey - and many of the other trimmings, and haul it home.   I'm not feeling so re-charged after this weekend - for some reason I just didn't really rest.   So Monday is going to be tough getting up - tough at work - and tough after work.   Just another Manic Monday! :)  

I'm looking forward to good times and good food in about 4 days.  
Oh and by the way.  My son threw out my fryer last year - and I was concerned we wouldn't be frying again - but he brought a super delux new toy over for the bird fry extravaganza.  
Here it is:
Wish me luck with this monster!  :)

It's a doozy!!  

Highs and Lows

Crazy weekend....
Left work early - had a trip to take.  Drive from San Diego to Phoenix to spend a birthday with a good friend.    Plan - be enroute to Phoenix by 2PM - figuring it's about a 6 hour drive.
OK - so how did that go?
1.   Leave work at 11AM - get manicure, pedicure and facial wax
2.  Go to Mall for decent outfit for the party
3.  Get home - dig suitcase out of garage and begin packing.   Oh - plug in reader
4.  Shower, hair makeup
5.  Finish packing
6.  Pick up Jo - coming with me (drive all the way to Chula Vista to pick her up first)
7.  Time on road - 2:30
Not to shabby - pretty much on track
A nice leisurely ride - a couple gas & stretch & snack stops
Arrive at Hotel in Phoenix 9:30  (they don't roll back the clocks - who knew?)
So the drive WAS 6 hours on the nose - but still took 7 (Jeesh)

Settled in put stuff up freshened up and found a nearby pizza bar - great food and drinks for very reasonble price.  Good choice

Next AM - Shopping - Hallmarks, World Market, Ross, TJ Max, and Pier 1.   Found lots of fun stuff.
Got b'day cards for twins Bill and Wes (Bill - my friend - worth the trip...time to meet the rest of the family)
Back to the hotel, chilled, napped, read...then cleaned up and called for a cab to take us to the party so we could drink without worries.
3PM A Lincoln towncar pulls up and says they're our cab.  Nice ride - great price.   Dropped at the door and since found the place after some research - promised to be the same person to pick us up.

Partied! So fun!!  Met Brother Wes and his wife Sandy, plus their two sons Taylor and Colin.  All were quite friendly and fun.   Friend Sergey also there - introduced Jo as well

10:00 PM - headed back to hotel - read a bit and crashed.
Invited to breakfast the following day to be able to visit with Bill a bit more.   Left around 12:30

Hit Campo- getting close to home - car has some warning light come on - then loses power and wont go up hills.   Pulled off next exit and searched for Garage.  Yah - out in the middle of BFE.   Sunday afternoon - day before Veterans day.  Good luck with that.  Drove about20 minutes out of the way searching before deciding to head back to highway.   Light went out - car worked fine - got home without further issues.  

Dropped off Jo - she shared some exercise equipment.
Stopped at Sushi place and got a sashimi salad
Went home and hauled all the shopping goodies,exercise equipment, food, and luggage upstairs and PLOPPED onto the couch.....
Slept until 10:30 Monday morning - got up and finished packing up the Halloween stuff and got son Rob to help get it into the garage.
Did 2 loads of laundry.   Whew!   gonna watch some TV and read a while and crash early.   Been a busy 3 days.

No Costume Jitters....

Tomorrow is the big night.   Things are beginning to shape up around here.  All the shopping is about done.  Have a friend coming to help me carve pumpkins tonight and food prep is all day tomorrow.  (maybe some later today...we'll see)

Loving how one side of my porch came out....
Still have the Left side to do - it's getting there.   Just can't put the witch out until tomorrow....don't want her stolen!
She's one of my favorite halloween toys!!

 

What's blowing my mind is how expensive this all gets.....  The FOOD is about to wipe me out!  I had to renew my drivers license out of this pay day too... Oh well.... it's only money and we can't take it with us!  May as well enjoy it - right?

My biggest worry.....My COSTUME???  It's just not coming together for me!  Bubble bubble - I'm in trouble.   I really need to figure this out TODAY!!

More to come....post party pics for sure.   It had better be a success....I sure spent enough in the hopes that it would be!  (lots of left over food for me???)

Wish I could invent a cure for 'STUPID'!

Well, I had one of those "everyone jump in front of Pauline while she's driving" mornings on my way to work today.   No matter how fast or how slow I was going, or how little or much space I had between me and the car in front of me - it seemed as if being in front of me was the place to be - and everyone wanted to be there.

HOWEVER, on the interstate, in the passing lane (otherwise known as the 'fast' lane - am I not right?) - I got behind a car doing 50 (speed limit 65!!! - this is the fast lane - jeeze!)  I rode along behind her for a bit until I could move over to go around her - I put on my blinker and as I moved to the right....so did she (no signal, no clue, nothing).   Of course the car that was behind me on my left sped up to fill the gap me and my lovely driving companion in front of me had just made, so I couldn't pull back over to get away from her.

Well as if she wasn't irritating enough just going so far below the speed limit, she had to incessantly tap on her brakes as if she was worried I was going to rear-end her or something.  I kept my distance - just because of her wreckless disregard for drivers around her - looking for a way out from this hell. 

She tapped her brake again as I had begun to accellerate to move over to the left, and I had to slow and missed my chance.  I seriously considered sign language but took a few deep breaths and chanted a mantra.  She was soooo busy watching me in her mirror and tapping her brake, I guess she didn't notice the car on the right that cut over in front of her in the VERY limited space she had between her and the car that had been in front of her....

I saw what was about to happen and made a quick exit to the Left lane from behind her, just as she looked in front of herself instead of in the mirror and proceeded to rear-end the person that just pulled into that space.  I just barely made it past, and really don't know what the repercussions were from her stupidity - but I'd imagine there were more than just the two of them involved - as it was in the middle of morning work commute on an interstate highway.

People who worry about what is behind them more than what's in front of them need to sit in the trundle seat of some antique car in a parade and stay out of the driver's seat.   I hope nobody was hurt due to her stupidity but I have a feeling.....

I think if I could find a cure for stupid - I'd win the nobel peace prize or something.  There's just so much of it out there!!! 

I really feel badly about going on and not going back to see the end result of her games.... I was actually caught up in the traffic flow and couldn't even get over to the right for an exit for several exits and was very nearly at work at that time.   I opted to go on to work as getting there after the fact would probably be next to impossible.  I can't begin to imagine what she's done to this morning's commute.   A lot of people will be late to work this morning - all thanks to someone who can't keep their eyes on the CORRECT part of the road and would rather make the person behind them miserable for their own enjoyment, than to drive appropriately and get on with her life!    We can only hope for karma - Hi Judge - yes license should be suspended - for stupidity.

Whew - another traffic rant!  Oh well - better here than on the road - huh? :)  Drive safe and smart! DON'T be STUPID!  I'm a nurse - but can't fix that!

Design day

TGIF!!  Whew - what a week!  But the great thing is.....Sooooooo much good stuff accomplished at work!  The next two weeks are gonna be killers too - but the end result will be more good stuff!!  Just keeping my home town safe!  Isn't that what it's all about?

Anyyywayy... moving forward.  The work week is over and play time is at hand.  My best friend is coming over tonight to help with the 'design' process and shopping for the Halloween decor.  My intent is to spend a little and do a lot.  (good luck with that huh?) :)

I'm hoping to have a very productive weekend.   Lots of great ideas :)

Stay tuned!

Score!

Today - our first rainy day in quite a while.....only a couple weeks until Halloween - and fall finally arrived.  Awesome!  The cool weather will offset the heat of wearing costumes and having lots of people in a small space.   This is a very good thing.

Watching 'halloween wars' on the cooking channel and seeing the creativity of pumpkin carvers, cake decorators and sugar artists has me really jazzed.   Tomorrow is Friday - the end of the week - after work - I shop for the tools to start building my own halloween creations.   Ghosts, witches, window silhouettes, special lighting effects, it's all gotta be right.   I have so many ideas in my head and so little time (and money).  

I can hardly wait for the final outcome - it's gotta be good.
Stay tuned!

Oh and by the way - the coast guard flew over hundreds of pounds of marijuana off the shore of mission beach (bicycle distance from me)this evening  - so some poor SOB - wrecked their boat off shore or something spilling their goodies - and the end result - DEA scores!  LOL 

Trick or Treat!!

My Favorite time of year

I grew up believing Christmas is a holiday where you try to fit as many wrapped boxes under a tree in your livingroom as you possibly could - whether you could afford it or not.......That Thanksgiving you put enough food on the table to feed a small country......and Halloween you went out and collected all the free candy you could - so you would be able to destroy your teeth at an early age.

Things have changed since I've become an adult.   Yes - I still catch myself with the Christmas and Thanksgiving traditions.   It's sort of absurd - but just bad habits I guess.  (sort of like having to clean your plate - even if you were full 1/2 hour ago) Thanks Mom!

But Halloween has been taken to a whole new level!!  It has become my absolute favorite holiday.  Who doesn't like dressing up and pretending?  Playing with makeup?  Being something you've always wanted to be?  Behaving badly and not getting in trouble?  Eating all sorts of junk food that is named after something gross and disgusting? 

And DECORATING!!!   OHHHHH the DECORATING!   When I die - what my boys will inherit - would probably fill a haunted house!  ;)  Below grim reaper showing the way....

 Some great costumes

 more costumes

 webs everywhere

 silliness before the party

It can only get better and better right?   Can't wait for this years party..... getting a LOT of RSVPs and my neighbors are even getting in on the deocrating fun outside.   Halloween at work was fun too.   I know I have lots of pictures - 'tis the season...... more to come.....

BOO to YOU!!

Warm Fuzzies

It's funny.   The silly little things that make us feel good or bad, happy or sad.  (Gee - are those words to a song?)

Sitting at my computer - pinning away on pinterest (my newest favorite obsession - I get those a lot) - I can see the hummingbird feeder out the front window.   The birds are out there just buzzing each other and yelling with their raspy little chirps - claiming territory - and grabbing a quick sneak sip in between the battles.   I could sit for hours and watch them - they're so amazing.... small, fast, beautiful, and comical. 

I also heard the sound of a lawn mower off in the distance.   Many people can tune out noises.  I often envied them - when I had to run to check every alarm in the ICU or ER - and they'd sit and do what they were doing - never even hearing them.   Because I CAN hear EVERY little thing around me - the irritating repetitious noises can really get to me quickly - so I'm generally off to go fix them (the dripping faucet, the wind rattling the blinds, the alarm on the microwave.....) - but there are sounds that bring back old memories - sounds like a lawn mower.   That is a sound that for some reason does not bother me - but instead soothes my soul.

Some of my favorite sounds:

• Ocean waves
• Train whistles
• Boat horns
• Meadowlarks
• Wind in Pines
• Trickling water
• Babies laughing
• Stringed instruments
• Rain
• Seagull Calls
• Owls
• Xylophones
• Windchimes
• Singing in Harmony
• Flute
• Steel Drums

There are probably a jillion more things - but these are just off the top of my head.
Other things that make me feel good and bring back memories...... Smells..... Mmmm yes

Some of my favorite fragrances:

• Lily of the Valley - My  FAVORITE
• Lilac - a close second
• Bread baking - reminds me of grandma
• Barbecue - mouthwatering
• Bacon - can't ever have too much
• Cucumber  - so refreshing
• Tabu - my favorite perfume - (not made)
• The air after it rains
• Freshly mown grass
• Freshly dug dirt
• The Ocean
• Babies
• Eucalyptus
• Pine forest
• New Leather
• New Cars

Just thinking about all these things makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.    Hope you do too!

Keepin' it Green

I hear people comment all the time about how huge and gorgeous my Boston ferns are each summer, and after talking with some of those people for only a moment, I realize why they are unable to have the same success.  There are a couple very common mistakes that people are making when growing Boston Ferns.  Let me explain…
Pot Size – While it is true that you can leave your ferns in the original pot or basket that you purchased it in, doing so will also limit its growth.  If you want to grow huge…I mean HUGE ferns, you need to re-pot the fern into something that will allow more growth.  Most hanging baskets are either 8 or 10 inches in diameter.  Bump it up to 12 or 14 inches and watch out…in a month or so, you will barely be able to pick it up!
I buy tin buckets in about a 14 inch size.  I drill holes in the bottom for drainage.  If I want to hang them, I make hangers using “S” hooks and some heavy duty chain…otherwise I can use them on large tables or plant stands.
When I re-pot, I use a mix of potting soil and some horse manure, which is great fertilizer.
Watering - Here’s everyone’s biggest misconception…that they will overwater their fern.  NOT TRUE!  It is virtually impossible to overwater an fern…they LOVE water!  So many people comment that they water them with about the same frequency as they would their indoor plants…maybe once every few days.   Bosten Ferns crave water…in fact, they need it daily, and during our extremely hot summer days of 90+ degree heat, it wouldn’t hurt to water them twice a day…once as you leave for work, and once when you return.   Trust me…if you have adequate drainage, you will not drown your fern.  Think about it…think about lush rain forests.  What do you find in those wet areas?  You got it…Ferns!
As far as keeping them fertilized…don’t over do it! If your ferns start losing their dark green color, find you some good fertilizer for acid loving plants. Follow the instructions and you’ll have those ferns back to a dark green color in no time.

California Dreamin' and Drivin'

So what is it about California drivers that they have to 'compete' for space, race instead of allow movement and COMPLETELY ignore blinkers?

I grew up on the East Coast.  I admit.  People are tougher and pretty curt in the Northeast (yes NY),   Then you go to Florida - and EVERYBODY is lay-back, shorts & flip-flops - much like island life and pretty easy going all in all.

The Crime rate (Miami) was hellish when I was there - I witnessed and was victim to more crime in my adolescent and young adult years there than I care to remember.   But still - even for a big city the pace was pretty cool.

Missouri (my next major stop in life) - The drivers honk and wave you in - see your blinker and DON'T SPEED UP but slow down - to allow you to merge or turn - and use their signals!

Then I moved to California.   San Diego - with claims of being America's 'friendliest city' ..... well yeah maybe..... EXCEPT ON THE HIGHWAYS!!   I am in a world of wonder every day on the highways to and from work and where ever else my destinations might be.   I accelerate to get onto major interstates - it's what I was taught.   Can I tell you how many times I've nearly rear-ended some jerk on the acceleration lane who has nearly come to a dead stop trying to get on?   How in the HELL do you merge with 65 mph traffic doing 20?  Tell me!!!

Then there are the territorial drivers.  The space between them and the car in front of them - no matter HOW large - belongs to ONLY them!  If there are 6 car lengths between and you turn on your blinker to get into that space - they hit the gas and fly up on the rearend of the car in front of them to NOT ALLOW you in that space.   No, not allowed!  This is MY space!  Go get off at some other exit - you can't work your way to the right through MY space!!!

Then there are the people who will take off your front bumper to get into the 1/2 car length between you and the car in front of you.  God forbid you leave a whole car space between - 4 cars will move into that much space!   Instead of moving forward, you begin to feel like you're moving back.

And then there's courtesy.  The person has their blinker on, they need over, you slow a bit to allow them and wave them over.   No thank you wave, no head nod, no nothing.   

So my son tells me since I've been driving here - he has seen more road rage (from me) than ever before.....  Yes, I have to agree..... When people cut me off, pull in front of me and basically PARK, don't recognize and acknowledge my blinker when I need to move over, race with me instead of getting behind me, and not say thank you in some way when I am NOT a JERK like THEY are.... then yes... I tend to say a few choice hecks and darns  (heh heh) and other colorful explatives while driving.

Don't even get me started on the phone chatting fools and the texting morons that weave all over or go 5MPH then look up and 'oops' realize they screwed up..... That soap box is a whole rant all by itself. 

I do have to say though.  The one thing this city has to make all the stress go away... is this:

Beauty by the Sea!

Summer season wind-down

Sooooo..... the summer season is winding down.  The days are getting shorter (and warmer finally) - here in Southern California we always seem to really have our summer in Late August through October.   Maybe we should change daylight savings to the right time in the year to play!!

I waited and waited to see summer after moving to the beach - and it came - and I played on the beach a LOT.  I love the quick easy availability to one of my favorite things...beaches.  It has truly soothed my wounded soul.    I really don't feel as uptight or worried, or stressed as I was in the last 5 years or so.  This move has been a good one for me. 

With the season winding down - I'm considering the best ways to continue enjoying this atmosphere I now am surrounded by.   It really is pleasant.   I'm only minutes from beauty such as this.....I'm talking bicycle distance.   (could walk it if I was a bit more healthy).

Awayyyyyyy we go! 

Taking the plunge

I've struggled with my weight since my second pregnancy.   Having not had weight problems until I was 25 years old - it's made it so hard.   I've lived the life of the well-built head-turner.   Now I'm stuck in the point and laugh model.   It's hurtful how horribly people treat the obese.   I have fought this for over 30 years now - tried every diet known.  Even had a lap band procedure.  And here I am - still struggling.   So I'm giving this ONE LAST TRY.   I'm doing a 90day challenge 'body by Vi' thing.   I'm hoping I can get some momentum with it.   I lost weight before the Lap Band - but haven't since.  It's horrible.  Joined and went to gym everyday - when not at gym - walking or biking on the beach..... still.....not an ounce - yet wait - what's this?  Swollen legs - soooo swollen can barely bend at the knees.   Water building up and building up - where the hell did this come from?  Then lets add steroids to the mix for a first time ever case of SHINGLES!!!  Really?  Where the hell did that come from?   So - done with the steroids, now on Lasix to pee my life away and the water in my legs.   Still some dependent swelling - but not as bad - so back on the activity track again.   I need a BOOST a great big momentous change on the scale - to bring back my motivation and confidence.   Thus the challenge.  I should probably post a before picture here eh? And then one in 90 days? Sure - why not. Let me see if I can figure out how to do this!

My weight here - painfull at 260#  (I started this journey pre-op at 319#)

We'll see what happens.   I'm hoping a year from now I won't need sweaters to hide the width!!

Energy

Ya know? EVERYthing EVERYwhere is doing something EVERY minute of EVERY day.  Pick a verb.....evolving, moving, sleeping, thinking, transforming, moving, standing, sitting, swirling, ......... something will fit.   Pick an item - any item.  How many verbs fit it at the moment?  Ridiculous isn't it?

And in the same thought process - EVERYbody is going SOMEwhere.  Going to sit, going to stand, going to the mailbox, the kitchen, the beach, the bathroom, to read, to walk, to think ...... Even nowhere is somewhere! Pick a person - figure where they're going - even if it's 'going to die' - they're going!  And pick a place - SOMEone or SOMEthing is headed there for some reason or another.   Even in the densest forests - there's some bug working it's way toward that leaf!

All this energy swirling around us, all this activity and motion - all this intention and destination.   It's bound to kick up a little electricity in the air don't you think.   Is this the current all the radio transmissions ride on?  The waves we see in the air?   The distortion in our atmosphere?  

They say tomorrow never comes.  I say bull.  Today is the tomorrow we waited for yesterday.  We just don't know what tomorrow will bring until it gets here and becomes today.  Then when it becomes yesterday - we either add it to our life experiences with pride, try to forget about it, or move forward like it never happened (just another day).   Whatever the case - EVERY day we consume and transmit energy.

So my thoughts are - it's time to get crackin' and quit wasting energy.  Because eventually it will run out....and when that time comes, the destination will be a final one.

Balance

I've been thinking a lot about the balance that makes up our life.   It seems that when things are off balance - it results in things going badly.   Health, relationships, events, plans, weather, - it's really rather overwhelming when you think about it.   Too much sun - burn, too much rain - flood, too much cold - freeze.....too much garbage in our diet - obesity, cancer, diabetes.... too much hostility - loneliness, too much confusion - chaos, too much greed - war, it just goes on and on.   But the funny thing is - just when it seems like more than we can handle in our lives - things change, to bring back the balance.   Too much sadness - joy comes in,  too much work - fun comes in, too many tears - laughter steps in, too much struggling - relief shows up, too much loss - charity kicks in..... 

For a long time I wondered about the homeless society.  It's made up of many layers.   Some of the homeless are this way due to uncontrollable circumstances and want to fix it - and others are by choice.   They prefer not to have the responsibility of monthly bills, paying taxes, answering to others or having a schedule.  Often, those who choose this lifestyle are most like the human catfish of our society, living off what has been cast off, disposed of, or dropped by the working class - claiming it in order to provide food, shelter and survival for themselves.   Thus cleaning up and eliminating waste and in a way - helping the balance in this world just as the bottom fish clean the rivers,lakes, and ocean.

There will always be givers and takers, rich and poor, happy and sad.   Survival of the fittest is not just referring to the world of sharks in the sea - who anymore are not the top predators of their environment sadly. 

The things that upset the balance seem to be greed, selfishness, ignorance, arrogance and not caring.  Continuing to take take take without replacing, destroying without repairing, trashing without cleaning, and turning a deaf ear and blind eye to the cries begging to stop before it's too late. 

The other day - I was walking to work with a co-worker.  I sort of zig-zagged across the parking lot to get from one side to the other.  "Do you sail" he asked.  "Why yes - I do" I replied.   "I thought so" - he said - "You were just tacking across the parking lot"   I laughed and noted how clever an observation that was - and thought about it.  Everything in our life - affects everything else in our life - in some direct or off-hand way.   Just think.....I'm affecting yours - if you're reading this!

Enlightened

I am reading a book series that has opened my eyes to many interesting ways to look at life.   The latest part I just read was about an individual noting he feels sorry for a person who has done another person wrong - not the person who was done wrong.  Why? - - Because he has made for himself a world of no trust.  Now he must spend his days afraid for when someone will steal from him.  The things we do to others become our world.  To the thief, everyone in the world is a thief.  To the cheater, everyone is thinking to cheat him.

Before reading this, I can honestly say, I've always thought about and felt sorry for the victim - never the perpetrator. 

Reading this series I've read many thought provoking parts such as this and because of it have become increasingly introspective.  I've wondered who I am - how I became who I am - how I appear to others - how I've affected lives of others - what makes me good - what makes me bad - who's lives I have yet to touch and why - and how I will be remembered after I am gone.

I love to read.  Every book is a journey to me.  But this series has made me take a trip inside myself like no other before it.  I think the author has done exactly what he intends to do with his writing.  For the first time in all my years of reading, with all the 100s (maybe 1000s) of books I have read - I feel inclined to find and write to this particular author and thank him for his books.  I feel like a haze has been lifted by them - and I am seeing a lot more clearly into myself and much of what I am seeing, is for the very first time. 

Strangely - I have a sense of enlightenment like never before.  The author has woken up a part of me that I think was either dead or dormant.   He should have been a motivational speaker..... and yet if he had been ..... I probably would have never heard his words.  

She's a lady

I've often wondered what my life would have been like in another ERA.    When I think of the things I liked about different ERAs - and what I would have liked.

I really miss women being catered to by men.  Yeah - that whole 'weaker sex' thing was actually sorta nice.  The graciousnes of men standing when a woman comes to the table, or leaves the table, pulling out her chair for her, opening the doors for her..... I would have love to still be able to be a 'girly girl'.  

The women of the old West were tough.  I'd have survived it.  I'm sure of it.  I've done the hard work, the survival bit - overcome fears, fought the battles of life.   I think of the 'jobs' assigned to women of those days - cooking, canning, sewing, cleaning, childcare....yeah.  I've done the cooking, canning, sewing, cleaning, childcare.  Maybe not with 12 people in a 2 room cabin with dirt floors and a fireplace being the only heat.  But in reality - I can honestly say - I actually liked making my kids' clothes, canning all summer in preparation for winter, gardening and planting veggies and flowers and having the pride of producing wonderful foods.  (One of my favorites - zucchini relish! Yum)  It was a hard life - but a simple life.  Expectations were pretty even for men and women.  (Although I'm not so sure about the quilting in order to have blankets... but guess I woulda done it.)  The long dresses and petticoats were great.  I love that too!  (They probably didn't) :)

The roaring 20's?  Oh HELL YEAH!   I Sooooo would have been a flapper.   Me in my crazy sexy little shakey dress thingies - breaking all the rules.  Doing the Charleston....(I can almost see myself in a short red dress, feather boa, and feather headband...can you see it?...can you hear it?) I probably would have been mobster owned and dance-hall approved!  LOL 

And then there's dancing to music of the big bands!  Swing dancing?  You betcha! (Now- I've got "In the Mood" by Glenn Miller in my head right now.  

Even way way back - Renaissance era - ELEGANCE prevailed.  Lovely gowns, parasols, gloves, - soooo pretty!   Yup - woulda loved it.  (maybe not if I was poor - would have HAD to be one of the rich girls with all the REALLY nice stuff LOL)

I imagine most of my friends would find it surprising that I could be such a 'miss priss' - but there are the few who know how much I love my 'fu-fu' and glitter.   That side of me shows in some of my hobbies and habits though I do hide it most of the time relatively well.  

Today women scream for equality - seem to want to be treated like men, and can dress in just about anything from men's 3-piece suites, to early American female socialite, to goth - to CFM attire these days and be considered dressed acceptibly.  The line between men and women is slowly becoming blurred.... and it saddens me some.   I love women being feminine and frilly - being doted on by their men.   I want those days back.

Ah but such is the ERA of today.   Be what you want - when you want - where you want.   And dress any which way you want.  Freedoms are good.  I get that.  Hoever, being 'treated like a lady' is so yesterday.   Sigh.............

Weddings and Funerals

Let's think about this...... How honest are we at weddings and funerals?  Really? 
We promise at weddings - 'til death do us part' - yet over and over again - parting comes waaayyyy before death.  Promises are pretty shallow anymore.   Sure - when the promise is made - the parties making it may believe what they're saying.  But can you really predict the future?   Did you really see your 'true love' at their worst?   Often we show our best to impress and the real underlying faults and cracks in our psyche don't rear up their ugly heads until after the promise is made, the papers are signed and ownership of all is 1/2 and 1/2.   So then what?  Leave?  Lose all the stuff?   Often for the sake of sanity the answer is yes - but often things drag on indefinitely - creating two miserable souls bound to each other based on a promise, staying together for whatever reasons: the kids, the money, the dog, the inconvenience... the list goes on and on. 

And funerals....oh where do we begin.....
I've been to too many in my lifetime - that seems to happen when you get older.   And I can not tell you how many times I have seen people stand up at the podium, and spout off all the wonderful traits the deceased had and how much they will miss them.....when everyone in the room knows they hated each other in life!!!   And the survivors - the families and friends.   So lost, not ready to give up their loved ones - so many unrealized dreams.  The pain and devastation in their eyes so very evident.  And yet, there's the few - that should get an emmy - for the best "what am I gonna do without them" show - falling on the floor, screaming, wallowing around like a walrus on a beach, carrying on like they're having an active seizure and nearly foaming at the mouth.  The funeral is all about them - not the deceased in their eyes.   So...all eyes should be on them....all condolences belong to them....all comments should be about them.... what a dishonor to the deceased!

So what's the solution?
HONEST and REAL.   No put ons from the start.   What you see is what you get.   There's someone out there that is perfect for you and can put up with your craziness - you just gotta wait for them.  Scaring a few a way is just part of the journey.   Most trips are about the journey - not the destination anyway!!
And at your loved-one's the end - suffer silently and respectfully.  It's not all about you.   You aren't the only one who took the hit and are suffering the loss.   There are parents, siblings, spouses, children, grandchildren, best friends, and co-workers and more who all feel the pain as well and could use a hug, a pat on the back, a kind word.

It's all relative

Have you ever noticed how we live in a land of the "haves vs. have-nots", "wants vs. needs", "cups half full vs. cups half empty"???  

As I've traveled my life's path - I've interacted with, stumbled upon, met, and been friends with - so many different types of people.   I've actually been several different types of people myself (as life required me to be), when I think about it.   Isn't it funny how we evolve?

I think about my young teen years - I was timid, beaten down, scared of the world, clueless, and buried myself in my school work as an escape - so was an honor student.  I was a 'have-not' and 'want' and my cup was half empty.   I lived in an abusive household, was poor, and was bullied (yes me) at school.   I was so flat chested and so wanted to look like the beautiful girls, and was teased constantly.  My clothes were second hand and I had a good friend who's house I walked to every day before school-who let me borrow clothes to avoid being picked on.   Crazy huh?  Who knew? Not my parents!

In my later teen years - I became bolder, fearless, almost incorrigible, I quit school, ran away from home several times - I stood up to my father in protection of my mother - only to pay the consequences, ran with an extremely rough crowd (bikers) - and experimented with drugs (to escape my home horrors).  On one occasion, when I'd run away - I was so marked up from being beaten by my father - when he came to pick me up - the police threatened to arrest him if they ever saw me like that again.  He beat me nearly to death that night.    My status hadn't changed much, still a have-not, want, and cup half-empty.....is this what pushed me down this path?

After the school years, a marriage out of necessity that failed miserably, and one child later - the problems and lifestyle got more difficult - still a have-not, cup half-empty sorta girl - but want changed to need.  I needed to get a decent income, I needed to provide safety, security shelter, and a decent life for my child.  So I got tougher still.

Years passed.  Men came and went in my life.  My closest bond was to my children.  Yet - interestingly the one child that I fought the hardest to provide for in my younger years- & went through the toughest times of my life to protect (my oldest son) - is the one who has practically alienated himself from me.   He will never understand the miles of walking to work for lack of money, the hours of non-sleep, extra work hours, living in horrendous places (even an abandoned car in a junk yard)- trying to survive - until able to provide for him finally.   Riding busses, hitch-hiking, walking  - doing whatever it took to get money for diapers, formula, baby food, clothes.  Left with babysitters to feed, bathe and care for him when I couldn't and paying 1/2 my HARD earned salaries to them while trying desperately to save enough to get off the street, he was all I was focused on. 

I managed - I made it.  I worked my way through to better and better jobs.  Got nicer clothes, better interviews - until I was finally able to provide for him.  The hours and hours of working and saving - day and night shifts, switching for more money, it was all I could think about.  Until I finally bought a home.  When my mother finally left my father, I asked her to help me and she kept my son for me with her (in a different state) - as she had family around her to support her - and I was alone.  I sent her money regularly - more and more as I made more and more.  I knew he was safe, with people he loved - not being left with strangers,  passed from babysitter to babysitter so I could work or sleep between work hours.  When I finally bought my home I sent her money and she brought him and my brothers and came back - at that time I then thought life was better.

There is a resentment.  I could sense it in him.  I remarried and had two other children.  So now my oldest had two younger brothers and a stepfather (who took excellent care of him, never abused him and provided everthing for him) - but he carried on and acted out as if the world were a horrible place for him!  He was never neglected, mistreated or abused.  He was loved and cared for as were his brother.   Yet he constantly manipulated one parent against the other, and played the stepchild card often.  Was he a want or need?  A have or have not? (He had anything a kid could need).  His cup was definitely half empty in his mind.

Oh how could I fix this thing between us?  Once out of school, married and off on his own,  I often felt as though he only saw me as a handout of sorts, someone he could call for some quick cash,  or go for a visit for gifts on holidays - not as his mother.  And when I could occasionally talk him into coming to family events, it always seemed to come with a price - gas money, borrowed cash, other misc. needs..... It seemed there was never just a nice chat on the phone when he called - after a while when I answered, I knew it would be a request for money.   He voiced anger about my not visiting him or my grandchildren enough once, but I never responded how I wanted to.  Oh how I wanted to tell him about the times I did visit - how I sat in a room, often in a filthy house, while they were off doing something else.  Or felt awkward and uncomfortable, as if they didn't know what to do because I was there.  On some occasions I had my mother with me and she was also uncomfortable....so I know it wasn't something only I was feeling.  I tried to warm him back up - but once he married - it seemed whatever chance of getting my chance to fix whatever it was that was broken was gone, things just worsened, the gap just widened  - he moved on and moved away - heart and all.   He was never the same.  And it saddens me so.  I think of how I dedicated my young life to providing everything for him that I never had - how I wanted so badly for him to be happier than I ever was at home - and how horribly I seem to have failed him somehow.  I "NEED" him to know this.  Maybe someday he will.

My other two sons are very deeply embedded in my life.  I wish all three could be!   Love is a wonderful thing.   My sons are all wonderful people.  And for this I am a very lucky woman.   I WANT - my boys to be happy.  I NEED nothing more at this time.  I am a HAVE now.  I may not be wealthy in material terms but am rich beyond words with love, friendship, and in an amazing environment enjoying my golden years.  My glass is half FULL - and I always seem to be adding to it's fullness.   New friends, reuniting with old friends, some amazing best friends, fabulous life adventures and experiences all keep my once half-full glass now often overflowing!

So looking back - I truly believe that the external environment we are in at the time we make decisions often is what affects those decisions ....the home environment we are provided directs the paths we take..... and friends and family along the way help heal the wounds, restore the broken soul, and renew the energies that may have been drained from us.  We can chose to climb no matter how difficult the path - or we can choose to fall.  The choice is ours... and...It's all relative.

Wonderful Wednesday

So - the week is past the half-way mark, a new month has begun, summer is winding down and things are just getting better and better every day for me - or so it seems.   For the longest time every day was a struggle, financial concerns kept me awake - and having the constant juggling act - it was so difficult - keeping all the balls in the air became a virtually impossible task.

But now - with the help of my financial planner (and good friend) I have eliminated a huge amount of monthly expenses, paid in full, no more monthly payments.  I've rolled all my retirement funds into one broker (her) and no longer have loans against that money either (30year loan - really?  I'll be 90 years old for God's sake)   So the money is no longer tied up tight and inaccessible - nor is it LOSING money (as it has for the past 10 years with the other broker that used to handle it).  I've already seen improvement, even with this shakey economy - such as it is.

So now, I have money in the bank - (including savings again).  My bills are all paid up to date every month.  I own my car free and clear - and I can start saving and making some plans to have some travel fun again.   I still don't sleep at night but at least now I know its not stress (could it be old age?)


This coming weekend - one of my friends is getting married.   Apparently middle-aged women still have a chance these days to find love. I'm very happy for her. (Wonder if he has an older brother). So, I now have yet another a happy event to go to over the weekend.  My weekends have certainly been busy and filled with great events this summer! 

Anyway - why wonderful wednesday? Well besides only having 2 days until the weekend, a weight off my shoulders, a few bucks in the bank, and my dreams back again - today at work I spent the morning in a planning meeting (so it didn't feel like work at all) - and when I got back to the office and went to our monthly staff meeting - I was given a 'public hero' award for going above and beyond and the State having written a letter regarding my great presentation in Sacramento! I did not see it coming - it was a complete surprise - and it felt really good!

I wonder what Thursday will bring!

Antisocial anti-grammar Media

I've noticed a lot of 'kitchy' posts - clever little sayings about one thing or another - popping up from all sorts of sites - all over Facebook more and more.

It's funny - it's supposed to be a means of socializing - a positive thing.  Have you ever noticed you can 'like' anything - with your clever little thumbs up - but there's no way to 'dislike' anything (where's the thumbs down?)  People are reconnecting like never before with this amazing program, and the re-connections are wonderful.   So we smile - click our likes, our pokes, share silly sayings and clever anecdotes - but there's a lot of digs, and jabs, and slams in there as well!   It's sorta cool that people feel their freedom of speech and 'tell it like it is' (or as they see it) - but sometimes I think people forget that what they write is out there for the world to see!! 

Jobs get lost, feelings get hurt, friendships come to an end, and things often don't look like they fit that thumbs up everybody is dishing out!  

I saw a post the other day by a 'friend of a friend' (why it's on my page - I still don't know).  But she mentioned that her pet of many years had passed quietly in the night and that the children in the household were heartbroken.  Her feed had about 4 comments and 20 thumbs ups!!  Shouldn't that have been the other way around?  And a thumbs down or no thumb at all?  

Then there's the grammar, the abbreviations, the shortcuts, and the spelling.  OOOH MY GOD don't even get me started with the horrible grammar, incorrigible spelling, and ridiculous abbreviations!  In our land of spell-check (which half the time isn't even used) - our kids aren't learning how to spell.  They don't know when to use Their, There, or They're ..... Do, Due, or Dew..... orwhere an apostrophe goes! (Yes, let's forget punctuation - "It's like so not important!!"  

Before I went into Nursing - I was going to be an English instructor.   I so pity the English instructors of today.  How do they sleep at night?  I give them 2 thumbs up for working so hard while social media is undoing all their hard work in the after hours.

The electronic - technologic - information age is creating a generation of social cripples, grammatical slouches, and handicapped spellers!   People do not know how to use courtesy anymore on the phone or in person.  They'd rather text than converse.  And our world is becoming an angrier and angrier place!  Why?  There's no humanity left in conversation!  The written word comes across a lot less personally - it has no gestures, no voice tones, lilts,  or inflections, no smiles, no laughter.  And often it is misinterpreted as something else by the reader - than was intended by the writer for those very reasons! 

Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and the myraid of other accesses to social networking may have opened many otherwise closed doors and re-connected people in a wonderfully magical way - but it is breaking down the human side of social contact.  

I count myself as a victim of some of this.  I still send real cards, and still use the phone unless it is for a 'future' reference and don't want to disturb someone with a phone call - I text when I have to - but really prefer to call.  However, a letter in the mail?  I think the messages in my xmas cards are about as close as I've come to that - for a few years now.   Our society is evolving.   And it is becoming more and more antisocial.   I see it all around me - every single day, and as happy as I am to be back in touch with long lost friends and family - the direction of our society makes me worry about my grandchildrens' futures!

Dreams come and go.....

How many contests have you entered? How many have you won?  How many cost nothing to enter?  How many had a fee?

Looking back - all the way to my teen years.  I couldn't begin to count the number of contests I've entered.  Many with smaller, less expensive prizes, and many more with dream trips, houses and cars.   As a teen - I loved the trivia games on the radio and was quite good at them.  The first prize I ever won was a hair dryer.  I laugh now thinking about it.  It came in a zipped hat-box shaped case and was this plastic cap that fit over my head (even with curlers in my hair) - and it had a hose (much like the clothes dryer hose only smaller) - attached to a motor in the case.  Plug it in - turn it on and adjust the heat - I used to curl my hair every day.....just to use my awesome hairdryer!   I also won a transistor radio - small enough to carry in my hand.  The sound was like it was coming through a tin can, poor quality at best - but top of the line in the day!  And it was all mine.   It went everywhere with me.   There were other miscellaneous odds and ends, gift certificates for stores and restaurants mostly.  I thought I had the elusive contest-winning gene!!


In later days, when lotteries came about - the dreams of hundreds of thousands or even millions of dollars kept me going through some pretty tough times. 


I was a young woman in my 20s (29 actually) - with 3 childen and a very sick husband.   I was in college, and working a puny job at Burger King.   My husband's illness was extended, he was off work for a long period of time with a diminishing sick-leave income, and we were on the verge of losing so much.   I played the lottery now and then with our last dollar - in hopes of winning to see us through the tough times.   His illness hit very close to the holidays - xmas to be exact.  I'd had a lay-away of gifts for the children that was going to be lost - as I couldn't pay for it, and there was not any way for me to shop for toys, food, or a tree this particular year.  Things looked pretty grim for us at this time.  The lottery I did win at this time was friendship.


The outpouring was tremendous.  My neighbor Jane (went by Wilma at that time) - worked for a GI Dr. - when she told them of our hardship - he paid to get my childrens' gift layaway out.   I was in nursing school at the time and the entire class came to the house singing christmas carols out front and then - each with a gift in hand - still singing christmas carols one by one bringing the gifts in and stacking them in the house.  My brother Bobby took me to get a tree and was going to pay for it to help me out.  When he told the man at the tree lot about our hardship - he GAVE us the prettiest tree on the lot free of charge.  One of my nursing instructors raised cattle and filled our freezer with beef.  One of the nursing students - who I had become close friends with - asked me what each of my children wanted more than anything - I gave her the list - her wealthy mother bought everything on the list for the kids.  My husbands co-workers took up a collection which came to $100s of dollars which helped catch up many very over-due bills.  The hospital my husband was in put together a wonderful food basket - it was huge - that had all the fixings in it for a Christmas feast.   And good friends brought my husband home in their 4-wheel drive truck - IV and all. (It was the dead of winter, and the roads were horrible and deemed too dangerous except for chains and 4-wheel drive).  He spent Christmas day with us - on the couch - IV running.  The hospital allowed me to care for him for 12 hours so he could be home with his family and we could be together xmas day.  All in all - instead of not having a holiday - it was one of the most incredible we ever had.   It was like a dream - like a wonderful feel-good story you read about in magazines - and it was our story.  Our lottery win.
Time has come and gone since then.  My husband recovered, we were together 22 years before going our separate ways.  Our children are all grown and some have children of their own.


But I still dream.  Every year one of the TV channels builds a dream home and a green home.  They give them away, (fully equipped and furnished) in a drawing - along with a vehicle of some sort and sometimes also a large sum of cash (to help pay the taxes?)  I enter - every year.  I watch the show on TV - showing tours of the homes - showing their perks, views, neighborhoods and beautiful architecture and design.   I'll keep entering until I die probably.  They're all way too big for me now.  But if I won one - I would have something wonderful to leave for my children.  And I would definitely enjoy the heck of it while I'm still alive!  Most of them are so big - all the boys could live in them!!

I still occasionally play the state and national lottery when the jackpot is some obscene amount of money - and dream of all the things I could do with that money - Helping every one of my kids have better lives - with homes, cars, boats, all sorts of fun things and bank accounts that are comfortably full - and doing all I could for the rest of the family as well.  How fun to be Santa Claus!  Giving and giving.   Surprise! - Yes mam - that house we are showing you - belongs to you......Surprise! Here are the keys to the brand new car out front - a gift from your sister, mother, aunt, great aunt, cousin, second cousin....friend...... whatever my role in their life.... Surprise! You're going on that dream trip - all expenses paid - oh and here's some spending cash.  


Yes, a girl can dream.